To women who have suffered through pregnancy loss, stillbirth or the loss of a child, Blooma invites you to join us this Saturday (4:30-6:30 p.m.) for our second Yoga for Loss workshop.
Led by Blooma owner Sarah Longacre and Sarina LaMarche, Life Coach (and mother to a little angel), you’ll be guided through a 90 minute yoga and loss circle focusing on remembering and healing. You may participate as much or as little as feels comfortable to you. Here’s what one mama had to say about her experience at Blooma’s previous Yoga for Loss workshop:
I am so thankful for the two hours that we all shared as it gave me such amazing strength to continue on. Seeing these women and how they have continued on with their lives was inspiring and also let me know that it is okay to cry and that I will forever be changed as a person, friend, wife, and mother. Thank you a million times over for this experience.
Lake view at Faith's Lodge
We also want to share with you the below original article about miscarriage and the importance of ritual in healing, submitted by local mama, Melissa Doffing. We welcome your comments.
Love,
Alisa, Sarah & the women of Blooma
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{The M Word}
by Melissa Doffing
Although many women experience a miscarriage, it’s a topic that’s not often talked about —perhaps it even feels a bit taboo.
Susan, a mother who had two first trimester miscarriages, experienced that taboo: “When no one talked about it with me, it only made things worse, both my sadness and the fear that my body would fail me again.”
Yolanda, another mother who has had three miscarriages, echoes the sentiment: “I could not and will never understand why in my mind this was such a big deal, and yet no one else but my husband understood or acknowledged the (emotional) pain,” she says.
Miscarriage occurs in 8 to 20 percent of clinically recognized pregnancies (those seen by doctors or midwives) under 20 weeks of gestation, says Dr. Elizabeth Eckhardt, Medical Director of Riverside Women’s Clinic in Minneapolis. Eighty percent of those miscarriages occur in the first 12 weeks, she adds.
Eckhardt speculates that the rate is much higher, but most women just have a “late period” and don’t realize it was a miscarriage. Chances of miscarriage vary from woman to woman, depending on age, previous miscarriages, or maternal health issues.
The Emotional Side
What others might view as only a cluster of cells is the beginning of a future child to the mother. Parents may have started planning for their child’s arrival, imagining cradling an infant in their arms or chasing a toddler. The loss is real. And so is the guilt.
Women often wonder if only they didn’t have that cup of coffee or lift that heavy bag at the store, maybe their pregnancy might have continued.
The truth, says Eckhardt, is that woman experiencing a miscarriage need to know “there is nothing that you did to cause the miscarriage and nothing you could have done to stop it.”
Susan eventually understood she wasn’t to blame for her miscarriages. She looks to an apple tree in her backyard as a positive symbol of miscarriage in pregnancy.
“Every year it’s the same,” she says. “The healthy apples stay on the tree no matter what; damaged, unhealthy ones drop to the ground, and you can’t do anything to change that.”
She has gone on to have three successful full-term pregnancies.
Time to Heal
Once a woman makes it through the physical loss and the initial shock of the miscarriage, she may still feel emptiness — an ache in her heart that was supposed to be filled with joy. It’s vital to validate feelings, seek positive support, and take time to heal.
“Common feelings and reactions after a miscarriage include guilt, emptiness, grief, depression, and anxiety,” says Dr. Kindra Perry, a licensed clinical psychologist in Minneapolis who has studied the effects of miscarriage on women. These emotions can be overwhelming at times, but it is important to acknowledge and deal with them. It’s helpful for women to remember that they are not alone, and that support is available.
Find Support
Reach out to partners, family members and close friends. Even if it seems awkward to talk about a lost pregnancy instead of a healthy one, speak up. Let others know how they can help; most times people want to help, they just don’t know how.
This, in part, stems from society’s uncomfortable treatment of the topic of miscarriage. To combat this, women need to simply speak about their experience and soon the culture’s mindset will start to shift.
Beyond accessing an immediate support system, Perry suggests professional support, such as bereavement counseling, a support group or art therapy group. Many hospitals, childbirth organizations, birth centers and clinics offer pregnancy and newborn loss services and may also offer group burial or prayer services.
Faith's Lodge
Fairview is an example of a Twin Cities hospital that offers such services. Another local organization that helps women and families after serious childhood illness or loss of a pregnancy or child is Faith’s Lodge, a retreat center created in memory of one family’s loss to help others heal.
Online support is available through organizations like grieveoutloud.org or hygeniafoundation.org. The Help Inspire Others Project is another place to share and heal. Their first print anthology, PaniK: candid stories of life altering experiences surrounding pregnancy, is a wonderful resource filled with stories of loss and hope.
By working through feelings and connecting with others, women are well on their way to healing. And an important part of healing is to make meaning out of the experience.
“Rituals help value the child’s memory and promote the realization of the loss, can help the parents and family have a continuing relationship and connection with the baby, let others know the importance the child has in ongoing life, and can begin, promote, or accelerate the grieving process,” Perry says.
The importance of ritual in the grieving and healing process is evident in a story shared by Yolanda, a mother of three who has experienced as many miscarriages.
“I wrote a letter to each child when I found out that I was pregnant and the letters to the three babies I lost are wrapped in a special blanket and tucked away for safekeeping,” she says. “These symbols have allowed me to grieve occasionally. It’s also a way for me to remember them and keep them close to my heart.”
Creating meaning will be unique for each woman, ranging from private to public affairs. Some women plant trees, hold private memorials, or donate to a children’s charity.
Miscarriage can be a difficult rite of passage both physically and emotionally for women. It’s important to take time to heal, speak out, and know that most women who miscarry will go on to have a healthy child.
About the Author: Melissa Doffing is a writer, mother and fan of Blooma. Her work has appeared in Literary Mama, Salome Magazine, and Savvy Women’s Magazine. An essay about her two miscarriages appears in the Help Inspire Others Project anthology, PaniK: Candid Stories of Life Altering Experiences Surrounding Pregnancy (2011). She also blogs at ProjectMommyBrain.com
