Ever wondered what it’s like when a doula gives birth? Despite our experience in others’ birthing rooms, our births, too, contain all the challenges, emotions, questions, wonder, frustrations, and unbridled joy as the women we support. And yes, even doulas hire doulas!

One such story comes from birth and postpartum doula Jessica Berry. This wonder mama’s birth of daughter Reese is beautifully written as she details her experience from beginning to end with HypnoBirthing.

Welcome to the world, baby Reese, and congratulations, Jessica!!

Love,

Alisa, Sarah & the women of Blooma

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{By Jessica B.}

At 39 weeks pregnant, I was ready. I had my hospital bag packed, my birth plan written, all the little baby clothes washed and put away… my entire to do list had been completed.And as my guess date neared, I figured I’d try some of those old-wives tales about how to start labor. My fridge was full of spicy food, eggplants, and pineapple. We walked a few miles every day. I took baths, I scrubbed my kitchen floor, I visualized myself in labor over and over… I tried just about everything (with the exception of drinking Castor oil) …and all to no avail. Contractions would come and go – sometimes lasting for a few hours making me think for sure “this has to be it!!” But no, nothing.

At long last, my guess date of April 4 came! For 40 long weeks I had waited for that hallowed day to arrive. And then, the day was gone. April 5th. April 6th. April 7th. Still nothing. Then it was Easter Sunday – my favorite holiday of the year!

With Easter comes spring, sunshine and beautiful flowers, and CHOCOLATE! It brings a renewal of life and spirit, of faith and trust, and the joy of new beginnings! We decided to stay home from church that day and sleep in, taking advantage of what was (hopefully) our last Sunday as “non-parents.” Plus, I was feeling as huge as a hippo – finding something to wear (even my maternity clothes weren’t fitting any more), much less washing my hair and putting on makeup felt like an impossible task. So, in bed we stayed. As the day wore on, I became increasingly irritated with the concept of waiting.

I had reached that point – I was *Done. Being. Pregnant.*

My entire body hurt. I was hardly sleeping, and the little sleep I did manage to get was interrupted every 45 minutes by an incessantly full bladder. I’d gone over our birth plan a million times in my head, visualized the route we’d drive to the hospital, pictured the calming water birth tub I hoped to labor and birth my baby in. I’d listened to my HypnoBirthing affirmations and relaxations so many times I could practically recite them word for word. I’d even gone online and purchased an extra audio track to listen to, this one a HypnoBabies track called “Baby COME OUT!”

I was beginning to fear that Baby would not come by the time my mom and my siblings would have to leave Minnesota, which only added to the pressure that I was already getting from every other direction. After a brief break down and many hugs from Brett, I decided that the next day instead of trying to do things to jumpstart my labor, I was going to lay around and do absolutely nothing. Turns out, doing nothing is exactly what my body needed

I woke up at 9am to a strong contraction roaring through my belly. I sighed, waving it away as I’d done so many times over the few weeks prior. It was just one contraction I told myself, go back to sleep.

Ten minutes later, another strong contraction surged through my body. Something was feeling a little different, but again, I blew it off. I decided to get out of bed and eat something, make myself a cup of coffee, and watch the Price is Right. And so it went for the next few hours, contractions coming and going about every ten minutes, with me continually blowing them off as nothing, although somewhere in the back of my mind, I was starting to let myself wonder, “…is this it?”

I figured I should probably tell Brett that something might be going on, but I so desperately wanted this “to be it” and didn’t want to jinx myself by saying it out loud, so decided to text him instead, hesitantly telling him that maybe he should think about what he’d need to do to finish up his work day IF I was in fact starting labor… but “don’t freak out, I’m sure its nothing….”

Around 2 pm, I decided I should probably call our doula, Megan. I let her know what was going on but again reassured her (and myself) that “it’s probably nothing, but I’m just letting you know…” She encouraged me to eat something and get some rest, and that she’d come as soon as we needed her.

I remember walking into the kitchen, seeing an avocado and thinking it was a good idea to make guacamole… I proceeded to eat the biggest serving of guac I’ve ever seen anyone consume in one sitting. Brett called to check in.

I was still contracting about every 7-10 minutes but was perfectly comfortable and handling the tightening just fine on my own. In fact I was kind of enjoying the time by myself! I think at this point I still hadn’t fully let myself believe that labor had begun, but I had started talking to Baby about how excited I was to meet her and that it was a really good day to be born.

I told Brett to stay at work and finish out the day – after all, he’d be done in a few hours anyway. And about three minutes later, I changed my mind… something had very quickly changed. And as I typed that text message I’d been longing to send for so many weeks – “Come home” – I think reality finally set in… THIS WAS IT!!

Suddenly, I found myself in the intensity of full-on labor, needing to move through the surges and breathe much more deeply. And for the next few hours, Brett and I worked together – him reminding me to breathe and focus on our baby, and me, allowing myself to fall into the deep relaxation that I had learned in my HypnoBirthing practice.

Hours passed like minutes, and before we knew it, it was 8 pm. Brett asked me if I was ready for Megan to come, and I think I mustered a nod…. because the next thing I knew, there was Megan, sitting next to me and reading me a relaxation script.

I remember lying on the couch at one point and looking out the window, noticing it was dark out and wondering where the heck the day had gone. I spent the next few hours pacing the kitchen, leaning on the counters and feeling the need to squat or sway through my surges, which were now coming about every 2 or 3 minutes.

Brett called the midwives, and we were told Ann was the midwife on call for the night. “Ann” – the name rang in my head, and something about it felt so right. I remember smiling and feeling relieved. Ann would be the one to help me deliver my baby.

She wanted to listen to me while I had a contraction, so we stayed on the phone for a few minutes. As the next one passed, she said she thought that maybe it was time we start making our way to the hospital. She started to say something else but suddenly I felt I couldn’t possibly talk on the phone for one more second and shoved the phone into Megan’s hands. I went back to my swaying and breathing, but could vaguely make out Megan’s voice talking to Ann, telling her she couldn’t figure out how active my labor was because I was so calm.

I shook my head and muttered that it wasn’t time yet, then made my way to the couch, desperately feeling the need to lie down and sleep…. and that’s just what I did! In between each contraction for the next hour or so, I slept. I slept so soundly I was probably snoring, only to be awakened by the next surge of my body. I tried to remember to think about opening up, and the word “ooooopennnnn” made its way out of my mouth from time to time.

A while later, Brett asked me if I thought it was time to go to the hospital, and I teetered back and forth between “I don’t know… no not yet… ok yes maybe…. but no, not yet….”

He called the midwives again and this time, Ann strongly encouraged us to head to St Joe’s. At this point, things get really blurry. It was around midnight. I remember Brett running around the house grabbing bags and throwing them into the car. I remember him asking me where his toothbrush was and me trying to stay calm and tell him I’d already packed him one.

I remember walking out the truck holding my pillow (ohh that beloved pillow that got me through so much that night!) and climbing into the back seat so I could be on all fours. That car ride was the longest, bumpiest ride I’d ever experienced (in reality it only takes about 7 minutes to get to the hospital, and its all smooth highway!) As we pulled in, a little voice in my head sweetly said, “The next time you go home, you’ll be holding your baby” and I remember feeling a huge smile break out across my face.

As I climbed out of the car and walked through the hospital’s ER doors, we were greeted by someone at the front desk who promptly began pounding me with questions about registration and other ridiculous things. I think I must have given Brett a pleading look because suddenly he sharply answered “we’re pre-registered – it should all be in the computer,” fiercely protecting me from the mean witch sitting behind the desk. (At least thats how I remember it happening…?!) “Oh, yep there you are! You’re right! haha!” I remember her saying and me thinking, “What the hell?? Get me to my room!”

Then two nurses showed up, toting a wheel chair. I waddled straight past them as the doors to the hallway opened and despite their protests that “really, we’ll just wheel you right up, you don’t have to walk!”

I began the trek to the maternity ward. I vaguely remember laughing to myself as I heard Megan say, “No – she doesn’t want the wheelchair. She’ll WALK.” I’d walked that hall so many times before, but only as a doula and never as the one actually in labor! What a different scenario!

Brett says that as we walked the hall, I seemed to be in a zombie-like state, waddling a few steps and then leaning my head against my pillow on the wall and working through a contraction, then continuing on down the hall. When we arrived to the room and I wandered over to the bathroom. Suddenly I felt the strangest thing happen – it felt like a big water balloon was coming down my birth canal! My first thought was “THE BABY IS FALLING OUT OF ME!” but that thought was quickly diminished as I felt the bag of waters pop and splash all over my feet. Again, I heard that calm voice in my head reassuring me “Don’t worry, it was just your water breaking. This is normal. This is good!”

Ann our midwife was at my side soon after we arrived at the hospital. She asked if she could check my cervix to see how far dilated I was. I vaguely remembering hearing the excitement in her voice as she said, “Yep, I thought so – you’re nearly complete Jessica! Lets get that birthing tub filled up.”

Then I remember hearing Megan and Brett laughing about something and wondering what the heck was so funny, didn’t they see I was in labor and things were SERIOUS?! (looking back now, I have to laugh!)

The next thing I knew, I was in the water birth tub and trying my first attempts with pushing, or as they say in HypnoBirthing, “breathing the baby down.”

For the next two hours I breathed, I pushed, and I breathed some more with each contraction. Being in the water felt amazing – I loved being able to move around so freely and the warmth of the water was incredibly soothing.

However to my frustration, my pushes weren’t moving my baby down much. I was having some difficulty bracing myself, and kind of felt like a cork bobbing around in the water. And really, I wasn’t feeling that “urge to push” that people always talk about. After two hours, Ann suggested getting out of the water. I remember ardently saying, “NO WAY! I am NOT getting out of this tub…” but the next thing I knew, I was sitting on the toilet trying to pee.

The contractions were coming every few minutes at this point, and I labored on the toilet for a bit. I suddenly realized I had to pee worse than I ever had before, but for some reason I couldn’t. We tried using some peppermint oil in the bowl below me but that didn’t work, so the midwife suggested we use a temporary catheter to drain my bladder. I remember abruptly coming out of my relaxed state and being really nervous about getting a catheter… the thought that came into my mind was, “Noooo I don’t want to get a UTI!” Then I remember hearing someone say, “Honey, if you don’t empty your bladder you will have a bigger problem than a UTI…”

I found Megan’s eyes, hoping for some advice. She reassuringly said, “Jess, its ok. Some interventions are not bad – this will get your baby in your arms quicker.” That was all I needed to hear. And wow, what a relief it was to have an empty bladder afterwards!

Soon Ann asked to check my cervix again to see if the baby had moved down at all after my pushing in the tub, and to my dismay, the head was still quite high. I decided to stay in the bed and try pushing there for a while. Because I would no longer be using the birthing tub, I was moved back to my regular L&D room, although I had no concept of place or time and hardly noticed the move.

At one point, I remember very clearly hearing Ann say, “Jessica, I think we may need to start thinking about helping your labor along… your contractions are just not bringing the baby down. What are your thoughts on Pitocin?” Red flags went off in my head and I yelled, “What? Pictocin? No! How long has it been… it can’t have been more than an hour or two right?”

To my GREAT surprise, Ann said, “Hon we’re going on hour 4 now….” I talked with my husband and my doula about the options, and we decided that maybe getting an IV would be a good idea to rehydrate me (even though I had been drinking water with each contraction) and to “buy ourselves some time.” I remember exclaiming, “NO PIT! I CAN DO THIS! I AM STROOOOOONG!”

And then, something amazing happened – all of a sudden, I was completely overcome with the urge to push! I hadn’t felt it until that moment, and it was an all-consuming feeling I couldn’t ignore. I’d compare it to throwing up – your body just does it and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. I remember lying on my left side with my husband next to me, one hand gripping the bed rail and the other holding my right knee in the air.

Each time I had a contraction my head curled down to my chest and I’d hear myself groan, grunt, growl… all those crazy noises made me feel powerful and helped release some of the pressure I was feeling from the contractions and the baby moving down. At that moment I knew that my baby would be here soon. I heard Ann tell the nurse that we still had a while to go, but then she checked my cervix and with surprise in her voice said, “Oh actually, nevermind. Baby’s head is coming down… ok go ahead and call the nurses and get things ready.”

For the next 45 minutes or so, I so clearly remember pushing and feeling so strong. These pushes were totally different than before, and I could feel my baby moving down every inch of my birth canal. It was so amazing and empowering!

Everyone kept saying, “Oh wow look at all that hair! She’s got so much hair!” and someone said, “Jessica you can touch your baby’s head if you want!” But all I could do was focus on my breathing and keep my hands and legs exactly where they were, and just get the baby out.

I mustered the question, “How… much… longer…??” and Ann replied, “Jessica just a few more contractions, come on, you can do this!” and then… I felt a searing burn roar through my body. That calm voice that had been in the back of my head the entire day said, “This is the ring of fire… don’t be afraid, this is normal. You can do it.”

Suddenly I felt my husband’s hand on mine, and heard his voice whispering, “Come on Baby, you can do it, I love you!” and then Ann’s voice saying, “Jessica your baby will be born with your next contraction!” I felt my body give one last push and a scream leapt from my mouth. It was the most intense feeling I’ve ever felt and thought for sure that my body was tearing open and I was about to explode. And then – in a complete whirlwind of emotion, I looked down, reached my arms out, and welcomed my baby into the world!

My heart was suddenly overcome – there she was, my baby! In my arms! I DID IT! I remember feeling a million kisses from my husband and hot tears of joy and relief on my cheeks, and seeing nothing but this beautiful, pink baby laying on my chest! She was finally, finally here.

Reese Elizabeth peacefully came into the world right as the morning sun was rising. Never once throughout my labor did I feel panicked. Not once did I feel fear. And though my contractions were incredibly intense, not once did my labor register in my brain as painful. The only time I’d actually call anything painful was the moment of crowning… yeah, that hurt! But it was just a minute or two, and then it was over!

I truly, honestly believe that my labor was not painful because I was so calm, confident, and so supported by my birth team. And the minute it was over, I was filled with such an overwhelming joy – a feeling I’d never felt before! Looking into my husband’s eyes and then looking at our tiny daughter still covered in vernix and peering up at us in wonder with those big blue eyes… it was the most indescribable, amazing feeling I’ve ever experienced.

I loved my birth, and though it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, I feel so empowered and transformed by it and look forward to doing it again in the future!

*{A little note from Blooma: We joyfully share birth stories sent to us by Blooma families, however, Blooma does not claim responsibility for and does not endorse individual choices made by families or their care providers. We seek to share an array of birth stories to showcase a wide range of experiences.}